"Trick or Treat"

Ah yes one of my favorite holidays is rapidly approaching and yet again I have to be stuck in Iraq and unable to participate in the festivities of All Hallows Eve otherwise known as Halloween. What is the true meaning of Halloween I ask? Before you start bombarding me with legitimate histories and legends about Halloween let me tell you what your kids, boyfriends and husbands think about the true meaning of Halloween. It's all about the candy ladies and gentlemen, that is while your a kid. When your a kid this is your one day out of the year to get and eat as much candy as your tiny adolescent paw can shovel into your little mouth, and oh the joy of chewing and gnawing on all of that sugar and chocolatey, crispy chewy goodness. All the while passing the cheap candy to your younger sisters and brothers because they werent old enough to go and get the good loot that you walked miles and miles of suburban blocks to get. Enjoy it kids and when you have kids don't be lazy and take them to only a couple of houses no, you better walk and get those kids the candy they deserve.

So what about the men? I know ladies this is the question on all of your minds and believe me we've been thinking about it since last year. For us it's about the candy alright, the "eye candy". Hallowen is the only day in the year when a woman can dress like a complete tramp and nobody say "uh look at her" it suddenly turns into "oh my god! I love your costume!" Yes men for centuries have been indulging in this great tradition. I don't mean to sound like a sexist or anything but let's be honest women, you didn't buy that skimpy cop costume because you just love policework. You are buying that not so standard issue uniform to get the attention that a costume like that deserves. Nurses, pirates, cavewomen, faires and all the eye candy costume bearing beauties I salute you! Wear your costumes with pride, and remember when you used to get the cheap candy from houses and you just tossed it to your kid sister? Don't cheat your costumes wear a push up bra soldier and celebrate the holiday right. Remember it is your duty as an American to properly celebrate Halloween the American way! Hey if your going to go to a Halloween party and get drunk you should do it right because Americans don't do things half way. So don't take it personal when you are being checked out by every guy at the Halloween party he is just trick or treating and when he is done he will move to the next house for more eye candy. I know I know somebody is going to write to me telling me how degrading this is and yadayada and I mean no disrespect, and women should be treated with respect and class (especially little old ladies) but like it or not a guy is a guy and a girl is a girl. On this day we just tend to remember the days when everything was fun. Indulge in the little things and giggle to yourself while you are putting on your costume this year sweetie.