Hard Soldier

"Voodoo 1....Out"

A year in the desert can do an awful lot to change a mans perspective on the world and things around him. Over a year ago my main goal was just to get home to my wife and kids and carry on with my life, maybe try to live the same way I did before the war. Easier said than done, I'm back in the good ol U.S. of A and I gotta admit I'm pretty nervous about going home to my family. Friends ask if I'm different and I always say I'm still the same old me but in a lot of ways I'm not and will never be. Don't get me wrong I don't think I'm suffering from PTSD or anything but I think the years experiences have definetly given me a whole new outlook on life. A lot of Americas young men had it worse than I did out there but, the IED's and small arms fire I recieved were enough to wake me up and realize that I shouldn't take life for granted.

I'm pursuing a career as a financial analyst when I get home and am hoping that my son doesn't get the bug to follow in his fathers footsteps the way I did. Three years are left on my contract and I will finish those up in recruiting back home, I should finish my degree in a year and hopefully get my masters by the time it's over.

Sometimes when you see the change coming in life it gets hard to brace for the impact that it brings but, I think I'm ready for this. America has gotten eleven solid years out of me and will have fourteen by the time my contract is over. So close to hitting twenty and getting out with a pension, but I can't do that to my family again. The hardest job in the Army is the job of the spouses and kids. The families are the ones who keep it together and provide the encouragement that keeps guys like me going. My wife should have gotten my medals.

Bad Voodoo's War was another big highlight or lowlight of the year depending on who you talk to. Did I like the movie? Yes I did. The movie was well made and if I was never in the military or had never been to Iraq I wouldn't be able to pick it apart like some people have. Do I think a lot of it was pushed or acted? sure I do, some of it was a little over the top but, if you knew SFC Nunn then you would know he had a flair for the dramatics, but all documentaries and movies are made from someone's perspective and there is no denying that the movie was flat out good. I had a hand in some of the events but after that first IED almost killed my friends I banned Shaw from filiming in my vehicle anymore. Taping funny stuff was ok but nothing while on mission. I didn't want to be responsible for filming one of my soldiers getting wacked by the enemy. Wives, son, daughters, mothers, and fathers watched that movie and I'm positive that if one of us died on camera it would have been aired to add to the drama. My men are not drama they are soldiers and have families who do not always understand why we do the type of job that we do, no film is that important.

In a crazy way I'm going to miss the Middle East, it was interesting to learn about thier culture. I guess some places just grow on you. I had a couple of call signs through the year I started with "Voltron" from the cartoon I watched in the 80s growing up. After a couple of IED's and a lot of bad luck the guys changed it to "Routes Red" which is the saying for when the roads are undrivable due to enemy contact or severe weather, I never really liked that one but that was my most used. My official call sign was  "Voodoo 1" Bad Voodoo platoon 1st squad leader. I can't wait until my call sign is "Dad"

Bad Voodoo's War

Back when we first started this deployment SFC Nunn explained to all of us that he was making a Documentary with this film maker Deborah Scranton, she made one that I had seen called "The War Tapes". The film was good and it showed a lot of stuff that you won't see on the news so needless to say I was pretty cool with the whole thing. Well after a year of sucking on the road and sweating to the sound of IED's and the sound of my gunners voice saying "Sh!t it's freakin hot!" The movie was finally released or an episode of it since we are still in country. I must say it was actually really good, I was the Convoy Commander for two of the three IED blasts that you see in the movie and she did a good job of making everything look professional. I didn't personally carry a camera although my gunner SPC Shaw did, he was one of the main subjects that she followed. I personally liked the segment 'I do it for the guys I'm with" That was great, now I know it was PBS and they probably can't show most of the vulgar comedy that we crack on each other but nevertheless it was funny. 

My wife and son watched it at home and I was kind of skittish about them seeing some of the stuff that we have gone through over here because, the last thing I want is for them to start worrying about me. Lina (my wife) said she liked it but she said my son no longer wants to join the Army, which is a good thing I think. Sooner or later the cycle had to break and I'd rather pay for his college out of my own pocket, it's a good thing I have been studying to pass the CFA I learned some good ways to pay for it.

So we'll be home soon and all Bad Voodoo's War will be to me is a DVD I pull off of the shelf when I want to remember the guys that packed up and went to war with me. Emotions run wild in my mind when I think of all the ups and downs of the year. A lot of SFC Nunn's efforts are in that movie and he is pretty accurate about how we feel about the Iraqi Police, Civilian Contractors, and each other. He took a lot of joking from everyone about his cameras, and believe me there are a lot of jealous people over here now that this thing is released. Success begats foes though because no matter what new toy people get someone else always wants it, I guess it's human nature. At the end of this deployment I still have to go home and finish out my tour as a recruiter in Bakersfield CA. I still wonder everyday how I'm going to go back home and tell people to do this job. Straight forward and to the point has always been my approach to recruiting and I have usually been successfull so I'll probably go back to that.

Maybe when I get home I can work on this new invention I have been telling everyone here about, tell me what you think. A room, but I'll make walls (so you can have privacy), then I'll put a kitchen in it, so you don't have to walk half a mile to get food, then I'll put a toilet in it so you don't have to walk a half mile to do number two (hahaha number two!), then I'll put sinks, and a shower so you don't have to walk a half mile to take a shower or brush your teeth. I don't know what to call it yet.......Oh wait! i'll call it my house!

PTSD Post Tremblay and Shoe Disorder

Only one thing is certain during a career in the military a soldier will definetly meet some of the funniest people he will ever meet, and experience comedy unlike any other way it can be experienced at home.

So I have a new squad now, at first I wasn't too happy only because I had been through a lot with my last squad and it really cut me pretty deep to part ways with them. Change is sometimes a good thing however when one can put the past behind them and embrace the inevitable future to come, it makes it easier to transition to change.

Specialist Tremblay and Specialist Schoephoerster, Schoephoerster try saying that ten times fast at the top of your lungs, we just call him Shoe. At home every one had that friend that was a complete smart ass but in a funny sarcastic way so nobody was ever mad at them because every one knew that guy was always just joking or being sarcastic. Well these guys are a tag team of sarcasm and hilarious hijinx, they constantly have me laughing at the cost of their team leader SGT Aden. Poor SGT Aden, this poor soul is constantly getting joked on by these two guys but, he takes it all in stride wth a good attitude. Heres an example of PTSD at work when they go to pick up their team leader they will let him walk up to the car only to drive up when he grabs the door handle, and they'll do it over and over. I don't encourage it but it is pretty hard not to laugh. Sgt Aden will call those two to pick him up and they will pull up and drive around him in circles untill just before you could tell he's getting upset then they will stop let him walk up and drive forward when he grabs the handle! Oh man it might not be funny to read but it's hilarious to watch. 

It's Been a Long Time, I Shouldn't Have Left You

Wow! yup that's about how one can best describe all of my experiences since my last post. I almost don't know where to begin so I'll start with after Halloween.

November 2nd was my birthday, I turned.......25! no wait that was oh hell, some years ago. So it was my birthday and in true birthday tradition I got a good ol fashion wuppin by my guys. There is something about the birthday wuppin that just completes a birthday, like a rite of passage it is there to remind you that you are getting older and you don't heal any faster. We were coming up to Camp Cedar II and had blocked off traffic in southern Iraq at the stroke of midnight when I hear my gunner SPC Shaw turn his turret and suddenly he has his arms pinning me to my seat. My first reaction was to fight back but at the sound of my Driver SPC Davis beating me repeatedly in the arm screaming at the top of his lungs "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU" I could do nothing but sit there and take what was coming to me. I have always been an advocate for the birthday a$% wuppin and that day was another fine day in American military tradition. But the birthday shananigans did not end there, oh no, they were just getting started. Upon arriving at Camp Cedar we hit the chow hall to refill our empty bellies with greasy food prepared by non-english speaking TCN's (third country nationals). I knew something was going to happen because of the sh*t eating grins on Shaw and Davis' faces. Shaw got up to go to the latrine then minutes later comes back with a herd of Indian and Iraqi chow hall workers singing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU", like a guy that farted in front of a smoking hot chick on a first date my face went beet red. The entire chow hall filled with soldiers, civilian contractors and TCN's got up and started clapping, I felt like I was at TGI Fridays in bizarro land. Ah yes that was an unforgettable birthday and I'll never forget those guys for it......payback's a bi%&h.

Shortly after my birthday I went on my two week R&R leave expecting my brand new baby girl to be born the day after I got home. Just like her dad she couldn't wait to get the hell out of there so I missed the birth by a couple of hours, it was probably too hot in there too. Don't worry sweetie daddy understands. Unfortunatley there were some complications with her not breathing so she got an all expense paid vacation in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). My wife is a better soldier than I am because she was strong through it all, she new I would have to go back overseas in a couple of weeks but she took it all in stride and showed her dedication to our family.......ok enough scoring awww points with the wife although, this is how cool my wife is. Knowing that her husband is a boxing fanatic she bought me and my friend tickets to a championship fight at the Staples center. I rest my case, coolest wife ever.

When I got back from leave I was told by SFC Nunn that I had been placed on a different mission. I didn't take to it well at first because I wasn't to keen on the idea of being seperated from my squad and my crew. It was almost like someone took my kids away from me. The Army is like that sometimes though, missions have to get done and sometimes we don't like it but I'm a soldier and if America wants it done then I get the job done.

Unlike movie sequels things actually got good after a couple of challenges, in my next post I'll tell you all about my new squad and the infamous PTSD (Post Tremblay and Shoe Disorder) crew, these guys are hilarious. Thanks for still reading I have gotten a lot of emails asking when I was going to write again, I appreciate it. I have made peace with a lot of things I felt were wrong lately and "The Strike is Over!"

"Trick or Treat"

Ah yes one of my favorite holidays is rapidly approaching and yet again I have to be stuck in Iraq and unable to participate in the festivities of All Hallows Eve otherwise known as Halloween. What is the true meaning of Halloween I ask? Before you start bombarding me with legitimate histories and legends about Halloween let me tell you what your kids, boyfriends and husbands think about the true meaning of Halloween. It's all about the candy ladies and gentlemen, that is while your a kid. When your a kid this is your one day out of the year to get and eat as much candy as your tiny adolescent paw can shovel into your little mouth, and oh the joy of chewing and gnawing on all of that sugar and chocolatey, crispy chewy goodness. All the while passing the cheap candy to your younger sisters and brothers because they werent old enough to go and get the good loot that you walked miles and miles of suburban blocks to get. Enjoy it kids and when you have kids don't be lazy and take them to only a couple of houses no, you better walk and get those kids the candy they deserve.

So what about the men? I know ladies this is the question on all of your minds and believe me we've been thinking about it since last year. For us it's about the candy alright, the "eye candy". Hallowen is the only day in the year when a woman can dress like a complete tramp and nobody say "uh look at her" it suddenly turns into "oh my god! I love your costume!" Yes men for centuries have been indulging in this great tradition. I don't mean to sound like a sexist or anything but let's be honest women, you didn't buy that skimpy cop costume because you just love policework. You are buying that not so standard issue uniform to get the attention that a costume like that deserves. Nurses, pirates, cavewomen, faires and all the eye candy costume bearing beauties I salute you! Wear your costumes with pride, and remember when you used to get the cheap candy from houses and you just tossed it to your kid sister? Don't cheat your costumes wear a push up bra soldier and celebrate the holiday right. Remember it is your duty as an American to properly celebrate Halloween the American way! Hey if your going to go to a Halloween party and get drunk you should do it right because Americans don't do things half way. So don't take it personal when you are being checked out by every guy at the Halloween party he is just trick or treating and when he is done he will move to the next house for more eye candy. I know I know somebody is going to write to me telling me how degrading this is and yadayada and I mean no disrespect, and women should be treated with respect and class (especially little old ladies) but like it or not a guy is a guy and a girl is a girl. On this day we just tend to remember the days when everything was fun. Indulge in the little things and giggle to yourself while you are putting on your costume this year sweetie.

Tis the season

Ramadan has come to the middle east and traditionally this is a time when US casualties go up. I have prepared for the festive Ramadan season by setting up my Ramadan tree and putting little Ramadan lights all over my tent and stringing garland made of bullets across my chest. Ah yes you gotta love the holidays. Ok so now I realize why Islamic nations are so angry and bitter this time of year and I gotta tell you folks I would be too. Ramadan is a month long fast and nobody is allowed to eat, drink, or smoke until the sun goes down. Islam just isn't the religion for me because those are three of my favorite things to do besides sh%t and sleep. Hey we all have our wacky religous beliefs though right? I'm catholic and some people think confessing is a little over the top, I call it free professional venting. Jewish people don't eat pork and wear yamika's but, funny little hats are fashionable in the polka world. Atheists don't believe in religion and I'm sure they all burn in hell, ok maybe not. Scientology has Tom Cruise and I mean let's face it the guy was in the movie Top Gun so you know they must know something, and Maverick was a badass that got the girl in the end. Are we really all so very different? I don't think so, in the end Muslims, Christians, Jews, Atheists, and even Scientologist are all about the same thing. Taking care of your family and being a good person, we just go about doing it in different ways but it all adds up to the same pile of mashed potatoes in the end. One of these days we'll understand each others differences and live in peace until then, Drink up baby! the sun's down and it's Ramadan! 

It's a dirty job but somebody's gotta do it

In the world today as competetive as it is employment and status is kind of a big thing in some circles and cultures. Who is the most important and who really takes precedence on the ladder of white or blue collar labor? A lot of the answer to that question one would suppose is what exactly does one do for a living? Take myself for example, I sure do get a lot of people telling me thank you for the job that I do but, I really don't think my job is the most important in the world. How about policemen and women? they protect and serve and firemen pull cats out of trees, now what would the lovely little old ladies in the world do without a strong fireman to pull their cats out of trees? Does a career of servitude to the people of America even constitute being important? How about the mechanics in America? They keep us driving and going to these important jobs that we must all be at. The corporate employee and CEO's ensure that stores and commerce stay open and without that we would have no luxuries right? SO who takes the cake for most important job in America? Guess what my faithful readers (all 3 of you) I have the answer to this question. Being that I am in the military and priveleged to top secret information I have been privy to documents containing the answer to this very question that has you with your face an inch away from the monitor buzzing with excitement, anticipating the answer. The drive thru employee at MC Donalds is the most important employee in America, and I will explain. That pimple faced 17 year old or 40 year old that has had a really rough life has one sole responsibility, and that my friends is to hand out bags of happiness and joy to the impatient and overworked employees of America. If this underappreciated professional does not get his job right every single time lives could be altered. What is more frustrating than getting home only to realize that there is no BBQ sauce in the bag for your golden delicious chicken mc nuggets? I rest my case. "S@#t! I told them no F*%king cheese!" you know you've said it and that's why your laughing. Remember folks it's the little things in life that make the world so much easier to enjoy.

"Curses"

There is no such thing as bad luck right? Well I have been hit by more IEDS and had more break downs and just overall bad luck than most in the company so much that people are starting to say that I'm bad luck. These guys have even given me the nickname "routes red". I don't know if I should be honored or just keep laughing at it. I mean it's my job to work in danger so I don't consider it bad luck I think it's all just part of the job but, these guys keep telling me I'm bad luck. Bad luck is a little more like pissing on your pants in the mens room on a date with Miss America, or sneezing and snot flies all over some female you are trying to hit on in a bar now that is bad luck. This, this is just part of the job and I think that's why I'm ok with it. Ok enough of the bad luck stuff before I jinx myself. My wife just sent me the video to the ultra sound! wow these things are high speed now I mean I could see her face and everything it was pretty neat. I am pretty excited about being a new daddy all over again. It has been some time since I raised a baby. My wife says she is so ready to have the baby, I feel pretty bad that I am not there with her but she is strong. Oh oh oh I almost forgot! So check it out I was walking to the PX the other day and guess who I run into? My recruits! I enlisted a bunch of the guys that are going home and are passing through, it was a trip because they were excited to see me and I was pretty stoked to see them too. It's not everyday you run into your recruiter in a combat zone. I'm surprised they weren't pissed at me for getting them in the Army.

It's the little things that really count

The big things in life that cause change are plain and simple, right in front of your face, and there is nothing you can do about them except for suck it up and embrace the changes. The little things now those are the types of things that drives a guy mad and makes a postal worker shoot everyone because they stopped putting two ply toilet paper in the bathroom. Now that same postal worker probably caught his wife cheating on him that morning with a Mogolian midget but, that he accepted. No it was the toilet paper that made him snap. Ok so this is my dillema, I smoke. I smoke like a locomotive in the 1800's I mean come on I'm in a warzone and it's just a little stressful so smoking helps. That is not my problem though, I don't mind having to walk a mile to the smoking area because the non-smoker Nazi's don't want me polluting their air. These things don't bother me, but what does bother me is walking into the PX and they dont have the ciggarrettes that I smoke. I mean come on people if the good old US of A can pay welfare out to non working non tax paying unemployed citizens the least they can do is make sure that Joe has Marlboro lights at the PX. Because nothing calms a guy down after getting blown up like the Marlboro man. You want to know what else is driving me a little close to the edge? OK in order to use your American appliances here in Iraq and Kuwait you need a power transformer, they sell these at the PX for prices around 39.99 -79.99 but thats not what drives me nuts because I don't mind shelling out the cash as long as it works, it's like paying too much for a cheap car but hey I guess if it works right? That's not the problem, the problem is that they all have a fuse that blows right after you start using the thing and guess what? They don't sell the freakin fuses at the PX! So now I have this box and no fuse for it. I think I am going to swear off electricity and become a cave man. Maybe I could get a job with GEICO doing commercials or something. Oh I know! I could stand in parking lots and let kids take pictures with a cave man for five bucks a piece! Watch out for the little things readers because one day they are going to run out of two ply toilet paper.

Sleep is for suckers!

Wow! I'm back and let me tell you folks I have had a couple days off and, I just don't know what the hell to do with myself. My body is so used to staying up funky hours that everything is closed because I am so used to being up in the night and sleeping all day. So anyway I got a really nice typed letter from a couple in Ohio and I would like to give a shout out to them for supporting the troops I appreciate the mail if I get a chance I will stop by the general store and ask old man Winters if he has some stamps so I can write back. I'm really not used to writing regular letters anymore and I don't think that is a good thing. Has technology really gotten that good when you can't remember the last time you wrote an old fashioned letter? Anyways your letter has given me the drive to put aside the caprel tunnel inducing keyboard and respond! I just hope I can still spell because last I checked good old paper didn't have spell check. So if you get a letter that has a bunch of crossed out stuff and slashes, just make fun of me in the letter when you respond. I hope all of my readers go to Staples or Offie Depot oday and buy some paper and pens and sit down and just write an old school love letter to their wives, girlfriends, boyfriends or husbands, hell you should even spray your perfume in the envelope for that extra little kick.